


Fill the Pages

by Bandtrees



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Drabble, Evan POV, Ficlet, Gen, Missing Scene, One Shot, lying, though that should be a given with the evan pov tag WAHEY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:15:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25399774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bandtrees/pseuds/Bandtrees
Summary: "Why'd Connor sign your cast? I thought he was embarrassed you were friends."
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Zoe Murphy (One-Sided)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Fill the Pages

**Author's Note:**

> Short little thing I wrote, because I saw this question on TVTropes and started to wonder myself — if Evan and Connor's friendship was supposedly secret, why did nobody think anything of the cast's signature? It's pretty inconsequential, but one of those little things that kinda bugs you the more you think about it. So I wanted to fix that!
> 
> This takes place early in Act 1, sometime after For Forever at least. Title comes from Dead Weight by Jack Stauber (a song with big Evan energies), because I noticed the trend of my DEH fics all having Jack Stauber titles and figured I'd keep it going, haha. 
> 
> Enjoy!

"So what's the deal with your cast?"

Evan could feel Zoe's eyes on him for the past five minutes as they sat on opposite ends of the room, doing homework for opposite classes. Still, though, he froze, pencil stilling as he glanced her way over his shoulder. Seeing Zoe's expression — somewhere between her usual little pout and a genuine curiosity — it took a second for her question to register.

When it did, Evan quickly averted his gaze, turning back to his calculus homework. "I, um, fell out of a tree." He'd said it a million times before, but he still felt as if he needed to practice the words — learn to say them in a way that didn't make him look like a _complete_ nerd. "I was, I was an apprentice park ranger over the summer, at, at Ellison Park, and I was climbing this fifty-foot-tall oak tree, and—"

"No." Zoe cut him off, so abruptly that he turned back to her. She was sitting at the edge of her bed, the binder she was working in set aside as she tilted her head in thought. "No, like..." she nodded towards his arm. "Why'd Connor sign it? I thought he was embarrassed you were friends."

There was her usual unsure tone, but it was less interrogatory and more inquisitive. It wasn't like her questions at their first dinner — God forbid — but... looking to the dead boy's signature, it was no easier to answer.

The last thing Connor did was sign Evan's cast. He didn't know if it was intentional or not — maybe he wasn't even planning on killing himself until he saw that letter, which was something Evan hated to think about. The signature was large, messy, like a branding — a cruel joke, if anything. But if that was it, then why hadn’t Connor stuck around to hear the laughter?

"Um. I guess..." Evan began, thinking back to that day. The signature helped perpetuate the whole ‘best friend’ lie, but at the same time, blew a hole in the entire operation. _Secret friends_ , Evan claimed every time, but if it was so secret, why would Connor have left his name on his arm in the most blatant way imaginable? "...I guess... he..."

Expectant, Zoe watched, and it only made Evan's heart race more. What if he couldn't come up with anything convincing? He could feel the familiar tingling in his palms as he studied the signature on his arm, like that'd give him any answers. "...was tired. Of hiding it. That we were friends." He shrugged — it sounded weak, even to him, but glancing over, Zoe was listening wholeheartedly.

His stomach churned, whether at the lie or how easily she believed it, he wasn't sure, and he had to turn in his chair away from her. "Which... I also guess is why, um..." His arm was sweating and itching under his cast. He couldn't wait to get it off, but getting rid of it also meant getting rid of the closest thing to Connor's last words. He wasn’t sure he was ready to do that. "...he addressed his suicide note to me. Like."

Scratch, scratch. Even when it had to be mostly healed by now, there was the ever-present fear of doing anything with his hurt limb.

"L-l-l-like, our friendship must've meant a lot to him, and he couldn't have died without anyone knowing about it." Evan’s voice wavered as he spoke. That one felt bad. Really bad. His face burned with shame, first at the stutter — an impediment he thought he'd overcome by now — and then at the contents of the lie. His eyes were trained on his feet, as if Connor himself was judging him from beyond the veil.

The eyes on him weren't disappointed, but saddened, as Evan tried to take what he’d said at face value — put himself in Zoe’s shoes. All she could manage was a disheartened "...oh." Her voice was unusually quiet, and Evan could picture her twiddling her thumbs in that nervous way she did.

Silence returned to the room, but it wasn't the comfortable peace that came with friends simply existing in the same space. Even when the persistent scratch of Zoe's pencil against her paper returned, an uncomfortable heat settled over Evan, itching to say more — do something to get rid of that sadness he heard in her voice.

"I mean... you know now, right?" He offered, giving an uneasy smile as she looked up. His arm kept itching, and he brought his attention back to scratching it, her eyes making him burn. "And it's brought us together."

A short little laugh escaped Zoe as she shifted to cross her legs, focusing again on her homework. "I guess it has."

There it was — the contentment in her voice he loved to hear, and with it, he could let himself relax. The conversation was pushed to the back of Evan's mind as he returned to his work, with a newfound happy hum from the feat that he'd made Zoe Murphy smile. She'd been prickly towards him at first, but was opening up, which... wasn't his intention, but a welcome side effect.

For a second, his cast caught his eye, and he thought back to his words. _It's brought us together._ If he was Connor's real friend, surely he'd have more to say about his death than the fact it let him be friends with his sister — but he didn't. He hoped Zoe didn't think of it as odd — he heard suspicion in her voice from the very beginning, and he couldn't blame her. She knew Connor better than their parents, but even then, not enough to be able to outright deny any of Evan's claims.

She was no more of a friend to her brother than Evan was, he realized. Even through the lying building the foundation of their friendship, he supposed they had that in common.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are appreciated! I'm @bandtrees on Tumblr ^_^


End file.
